I never wanted to work with children. When I set out for college in 2008 my "plan" was, bachelor of arts in Psychology then we'll discuss the potential for grad school and ultimately I'll be a marriage counselor. I knew by the time I was 17 that the Lord had called me into ministry, but I was unsure of what that would look like. So I studied hard and graduated in 3 1/2 years with a major in Psychology and a minor in Development and Family Studies.
why the history lesson? because I currently am working two jobs and they both happen to be with children. :/ My first job started my last semester of college and my first few months of marriage, with an after school program called Communities in Schools. I teach 3rd grade for 3 hours after these kid have been at school and are literally ready to go home. But it was a huge blessing at the time I received the job and it worked with my school schedule quite nicely. I applied for "big girl" job after "big girl" job and for some reason the doors just weren't opening. August 1st of this year I went to the church to bring Greg lunch and was talking about my current job situation and how I didn't understand why I was still not getting a full time job. I feel at this point God was just laughing and saying "oh Meg, if you could see what I see." About that time a nice woman walks up who knows Greg and asks me if I want a job. I say I would but only if it was in the mornings cause I have the after school job. So I fill out an application as a preschool teacher for the Child Development Center, have an interview, and am hired on the spot. What a blessing! Yet, here I am with kids and this was definitely not in my plans.
I give this background because I doubted my abilities to work with children, yet God kept placing me in these roles for a reason. I have learned so much about being a parent, from discipline to allowing a child to feel safe and able to be creative. So many childcare providers I feel snuff out the creativity of children and I can't help but encourage that. Maybe it's because I myself still feel like a child in some ways and can't help but pretend I'm batgirl and can save the day. I have learned and I know that God put me here so that I can continue to learn.
Now to the more serious side of things. As I've grown up (and I am still young) I feel as though my roles are starting to flip...the transition is upon me and I'm starting to see things differently. About a year ago Greg and I met this wonderful family and became very close with them even though they are old enough to be our parents :) we love and respect them as peers (which is the transition part) rather than elders. I received word from them last week that their middle child had just turned 18 and was moving out despite still being a senior in high school. The conflict between this child and parents is nothing new, but has been going on since we have known them, but to know that it had come to this was very upsetting to hear. Today I saw that family and although it has only been a week, I couldn't help but empathize with the mom when she began to cry. This transition time in my life is allowing me to relate and understand more with adults and parents than with children. I knew that eventually this day would come, but I never knew the extent that I would truly feel it.
I know because I used to be the child. When I was 17 I waited expectantly for the day I turned 18 so I could move out and be on my own away from my parents. They didn't understand me and they refused to listen so when I became an "adult" I would show them who's boss! In my anger and frustration I was able to justify every single action that I made against them. I was right and they were wrong and no one could level me out...There were two instances in my life when this happened and the instance when I was 17 resolved itself before my senior year which was a blessing from the Lord. My family and I were on good terms, I wasn't angry with my parents. Things were back to normal. So I went to college and accepted my freedom and didn't take my parents blessings for granted, and then it happened again. the summer after my freshman year in college was another quarrel. It wasn't so much on their part, but on mine. They lived in Colorado and so again I went about justifying my actions and making them out to be the bad guy. No one could level me out...
but then someone did
at this point in my life I'm 19 an legally an adult, but still a child in my thought process. I was working at my church in Houston and one of the dad's of the youth and I got to talking one week at camp and gave me TRUTH. no sugar coating, no enabling words, definitely not what I wanted to hear, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. 1 John 1:5-8 says "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. but if we walk in the light as he is in the light we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus his Son purifies us from all son. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not is us."I knew that despite the overwhelming pride I had on being right, that I needed to mend things with my family and not hold their offenses against them. I made a very difficult choice, but after making it I knew it was the right one. Now my family and I are fabulous and I wouldn't trade one moment of our time together. I hate my stupidity and irrationality as a teenager but I know it was necessary because it shaped me from being a girl to a woman. This story did not happen so that I could sit on it and watch the same thing happen to other "adult" teenagers. So, family friend if you're reading, my point is this.
Just because you are 18 does not make you an independent adult. Legally you may be, but there are things you have yet to experience beyond the four walls of your home that you will want some back-up for. Although you may think your environment is suffocating, God placed your parents in your life to guide and protect you, and their suffocating may be protecting you from dangers you are oblivious to. You are creating a void in your heart that only your real family can fulfill and cannot be completely healed until you and your family are reconciled. Psalms talks about about we can commit sins without even knowing it. I pray that you examine your heart and ask forgiveness for sins you do commit and those that pass without you being aware. The world is not going to be your friend. The enemy hates you and he thrives in the world outside the loving shelter of community and self sacrificing love (which is given from your family). Take all the time you need, but know that void inside you and your relationship with God will grow more distant the longer you avoid this situation. You cannot run away because any other relationship with only patch things up momentarily, it will not be a permanent fix. You are not independent. You are still relying on other people to take care of you even if it's not your parents. I say this because I went there...through my testimony above you can catch a glimpse of my understanding where you are.
I say all this because God is love and grace, but He is truth and justice, and I might never have seen the Truth and Justice side if someone had not been bold enough to tell me like it is. So this is me being bold, and telling you like it is. After working with children, I feel the pain in a mothers heart, and I cannot being to tell you how deep it is. I saw it with my own mother, and now I'm seeing it in yours. I say this out of great love and hope that the Lord is all His graciousness allow you to see.
*meg
This is an acoustic version of a song called Prodigal Son that my band Soma wrote. It is my prayer for you and the lost ones
Prodigal Son - Soma
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