The story behind 'Downstream'

In the fall of 2009, I was a sophomore in college and was deeply involved with my college's BSM on campus. I was 19, eager to continue my independence as a college student and expectant for the things my second year would bring. Although on the outside I was springing with life and joy, I had just come through (and was still very much getting over) some very deeply hurtful things. My parents and I had been in quite the power struggle, my boyfriend at the time and I had just ended things, I was having serious relational problems with people I thought were my friends, and I was so confused on how things would ever be right again. I watched my friends at the BSM come to our Thursday night gatherings and talk about how great things were lining up for them, how God had opened doors with jobs, how people were getting engaged, how great their family and friends were, and some even having children. I outwardly praised each and every one with congratulations and encouragement towards the future, but deep down inside I longed for the blessings they were given. This went on for weeks (which doesn't seem like that long now, but at the time it was agonizing) and I began to wonder if things were ever going to look up for me.

I remember one day I was at a friends house for a prayer meeting. I saw a picture on my friends dresser of her and her fiancé and thought to myself....God, why does it seem to work out for everyone else except me? At the time I couldn't see how selfish I really was, but looking back I know that God was still able to speak to me, despite my pride and envy of others. All I could think about was I give up, I'm throwing in the towel. All my efforts don't seem to get me anywhere. Looking back, I know that's exactly where God wanted me to be, and I'm so thankful for His grace in those moments.

A few days later I was playing my guitar as I did frequently and the first line of the song came to my head...

"Is it always this lonely when we turn in the towel? watching others succeed and carry on without a doubt"

I knew then I was onto something and the song kept flowing from there.

"You say You have a greater plan for me, I wanna believe.

so close my eyes to the world so I cannot see."

It became evident in that moment that I was looking at what everyone else had, and I was failing to recognize what God had already blessed me with. It became my prayer to close my eyes to what others had so that I couldn't be distracted to covet what they had.

When I was younger my family always went on vacation and one of the activities we did often was white water rafting. Being an experienced rafter (definitely no expert) I was familiar with river terms and what different things meant. The song began to form a picture in my head of someone sitting on a raft looking downstream, but not being able to see around the next corner, therefore the person would have no clue what to expect. In white water, there are these pools of water called 'eddies'. They spin the raft or boat in circles and the rafter becomes idle and immobile off to the side of the river. In my aha moment of God revealing these things through the writing process I knew I wanted to relate my situation to rafting or moving downstream, so the next line was written metaphorically to the eddies of life.

"The eddies are pulling me to idle in their tides. But Your current is much stronger I won't waste by the side"

At this point I'm understanding that God wants us to move forward despite our circumstances and regardless of whether we can see around the next corner. In most of my experiences it's very rare that the path is completely mapped out, but instead God asks us for our faith and He will work out the rest (sometimes a difficult lesson to learn for a planner like myself). I knew that there were many things at that point in time that were pulling me to wait on the sidelines, telling me to just stop and not press on, and that there was no hope for the future. I'm grateful that God's word says otherwise...

"cause I wanna go

Downstream, Downstream

what's waiting for me, show me past where the willows

cry into the sea

Downstream, Downstream

I wanna flow on every rapid, moving forward never looking back

at the waters that once held me captive"

The second verse is addressing the issue of continuing to move forward despite not knowing what's around the next corner. Trusting God in these moments is extremely scary, but in most cases it's literally the only option. This is as far as I got with the song until 2014, when I re-wrote the bridge with the band. Greg played around with the chords and added some instrumental breakdowns that I was able to sing over. We confront many issues that wrestle with negative undertones in our music, but we never want to leave ourselves or the listener without hope and encouragement, which is exactly what the bridge is supposed to accomplish.

"and when I feel alone out here in this boat, I find my hope that, I'm not alone

freedom's in the sky, I finally feel alive, I know it deep inside that, I'm not alone"

You are never alone! Even when you feel your mapping it out on your own, find hope that the Lord is with you and even when you don't know it, He is guiding your path.

It's been amazing to see people's reception to this song and how it has impacted their lives. Many responses have said it helped them overcome their adversity they were facing in the workplace, in their homes and with their families. Please be encouraged that no matter the situation, you are not alone! I'd love to hear how this song has impacted you, because even though it's 6 years old, it still speaks to me to never let my past hold me back and keep pressing forward despite my circumstances.

*meg

You can find the song on iTunes, Google play, Amazon MP3, and Spotify, or watch our lyric video here

You can also call and request it at your local Christian Rock station.